Multitaksing And Distracting How To Deal With It

u lull urself into a false sense of competency when u think u can make dinner, plan that sales mtg and hlep ur son with his homework all at the sam eimte. u may finish all these tasks in 30 mins or less, but how is the quality? when u look closely, dinner was just edible, u overlooked two of the seven mainpoints for the mtg, and ur son is able to spell only six of the ten words on his vocabulary homework. since the goal is to finish the tasks so that u can rush onto the next one, the results r less than satisfactory. u feel depleted and inadequate. such midlessness becomes a habit and begins to creep into takss that require ur ful concentration. how often do u look back at the week, the month, the yr, and wonder where the time went? (p.222)

the solution is: never multitasking, one minute of mindfulness makes up for many minutes of mindlessness

Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi - Flow
the point of the exercise is to take a simple human act, sth that we typically take for granted, and make it come alive, so often we sleep through life, attributing little or no meaning to our daily activities. imagine if u lent that sam ezest to sipping ur coffee, conductin ga mtg, or cleaning out the refrigeator, how much more satisfied would u feel at the end of the day? Mindfulness connects us with the experience of the moment….initially, it may seem like u r taking more time to carry out ur rasks. u are used to doing everything in haste, so even a minute more will seem like days. yet as ur ability to concentrate improves, u will become more efficient. tasks done mindfully are done right the first time. there is no need to recheck or redo. mindfulness saves time.

Dialogic listening
ur willingness and ability to collaboratively co-construct meaning with ur conversation partners. u can't listen dialogically until u move beyond your desire to make sure she understands u and get ur point across. dialogic listening begins with the understanding that the point needs to be what's shared among those in the conversation, not just ur ideas. the primary metaphor for dialogic listening is sculpting mutual meanings, we refer to the situation of two ppl seated on either side of a potter's wheel, with their four wet hands shaping the clay on the wheel. taken figuratively, this is what it means to sculpt mutual meaning.
Carl Rogers
focusing, encouraging, and reflecting skills (Bolton 1990). Think of the specific skills like a salad bar - put on ur plate the ones that u'r comfortable with and that fit the situation u'r in
spending time and investing it
1. aiming ur posture, leen towards
2. natural and appropriate eye contact: directly avaiable to that person
3. move responsively
smiling, nodding, shaking ur head, moving ur eyebrows, shruggin ur shoulders, frowning, and so on
4. make responsive sounds
mnnhuh, oh, yeah…ahh, sure, really, awwww

Encouraging skills
pull more talk from the other person
1. respond when appropriate with say more, keep talking, could u elaborate on that, for example - similar encouragement
2. mirroring
3. clarifying question: "do u mean…?""when u say…., do u mean….."
e.g. "our company is interested only in assertive people…"…."when u say assertive, what do u mean?" tone of voice is an important part of calrifying questions, they r not meant to force the other person into a corner with a demand to "define ur terms!"
4. open questions: "what do u think about….?" "how do u fell about….?"
closed question: "do u think….?" "do u like this chapter?" "which parts of this chapter do u like best?"
5. attentive silence
6. what not to do: no pseudoquestions - where do u think u'r going? is it safe to drive this fast? try to ask only real ones, genuine reqeusts for information or elaboration
avoid "why" (coz they seem to call for a moral or value justification) try "how did u decide to….?" "what r u reasons for….?"

Reflecting Skills
1. paraphasing:
a restatement of the other's meaning in your own words, followed by a verification check
it's a restatement, not a question, it's a restatement of the other's meaning, not a repeat of the other's words. meaning include both ideas and feelings
2. adding an example

the more the food industry behaves like the entertaining industry, the more profitable it is

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